Green Joke No. 101
Quote: Men are terrorists - they make women's twin towers collapse and destroy their Pentagon.
- Osama
Green Joke No. 102
Dying man: I wish I could kiss the Afghan flag before I die.
Nurse: I have a tatoo of the Afghan flag in my butt.
Dying man kisses it and says: Lady, please turn around so I can also kiss Bin Laden...
Green Joke No. 103
Mister: Dok, madali kayo at nakalulon ng condom ang asawa ko.
Dok: Ha? Cool ka lang. Pupunta na ko diyan in 5 minutes.
Mister: Ay, dok, huwag na ho pala kayong magpunta dito.
Dok: Bakit?
Mister: Ah, nakahanap na po ako ng ibang condom.
Green Joke No. 104
People you should avoid: Tina Moran, Ping Guerrero, Gina Cole, Jack Cole, Pining Garcia, Pablo Job, Mike Hunt, Rey Piņoco, Chupaeng Nepomuceno, Chino Pacia.
Green Joke No. 105
Erap flirting with Imelda Marcos:
Erap: Heard your husband had a very small penis. Why don't you try mine, it's big.
Imelda: No thanks, small as it was, it was much bigger than your brain.
Green Joke No. 106
Nahuli ni Erap ang dalawang empleyado niyang nagyayarian sa office niya.
"Violating company rules kayo niyan," paalala ni Erap.
"Anong rule po?" tanong ng lalaki.
Nag-isip muna si Erap, "Not wearing uniforms!"
Green Joke No. 107
Nakikipaglandian si Erap sa isang babae sa bar.
"Teka, Mr. President, alam mo bang isa akong lesbian?" tanong ngbabae.
"Teka, ano ba 'yung lesbian?" tanong ni Erap.
"I love to make love to a sexy girl, undress her, kiss her and embrace her,"paliwanag ng tomboy.
Natawa si Erap, "Huwag kang mag-alala, lesbian din pala ako! Pareho tayo ng hilig!"
Green Joke No. 108
Clinton to Erap: I'm planning to stop poverty and mass starvation.
Erap: Maganda istop ang poverty pero 'yang masturbation, di puede, human rights violation 'yan.
Green Joke No. 109
Laarni lies in bed and spreads her legs and says to Erap:
This is for three dozen roses you gave me!
Erap: What's the matter? Can't you find any flower vase?
Green Joke No. 110
Newsflash!
Erap's women have banded together to support him in these troubled times and have called themselves the Pambansang Ugnayan ng Kabit ni Erap. In other words (guess the acronym, pls.)
Green Joke No. 111
Loi: Which looks better - roses on the piano or tulips on the organ?
Erap: Of course, your two lips on my organ!
Green Joke No. 112
Lola hinoldap.
LOLA: Wala akong pera!
HOLDAPER: Alam ko kung nasan pero mo. (sabay pinasok ang kamay sa bra ni Lola)
LOLA: Tuloy mo pa. Me cheke pa sa baba!
Green Joke No. 113
WIFE: Hudas ka! lagi kang umuuwing lasing. Naaasar na tuloy ako sa mukha mo.
HUSBAND: Pero mahal, kung hindi ako lasing, ako naman ang maaasar sa mukha mo!
Green Joke No. 114
Sinner: Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I'm sexually preoccupied and often read dirty jokes and graphics from my cellphone.
Priest: My child ... can we be textmates?
Green Joke No. 115
Old Maid: Hello! Police a sex maniac has broken into my house. In fact, he's raping me right now! Ahh! Can you come arrest him tomorrow morning?
Green Joke No. 116
After a man raped a woman, he told her: In 9 months, you will have a child, and u may call him HERCULES!
Woman: In 9 days, you will have rashes in your penis, u may call them HERPES!
Green Joke No. 117
Anak: Mommy, buntis ata ako e, nahihilo ako e.
Inay: Di ka buntis, pagod lang yan.
Anak: Mommy, naduduwal ako e.
Inay: Di ka buntis, may nakain ka lang.
Anak: Gusto ko ng maasim..
Inay: Punyeta! Gusto mong pitpitin ko bayag mo?
Green Joke No. 118
Anak: Kung ganon, palagi pla siyang masaya nung nsa saudi kapa.
Dad: Bakit mo nasabi?
Anak: Kasi gabigabi umuungol si mommy e.
Green Joke No. 119
Pedro: Boss, nung nilinis ko yung bangkay ng babae e napansin ko may hipon yung ari niya.
Amo: Patingin nga... tanga! Tinggil an!
Pedro: Ganon? Eh kasi lasang lasa e.
Green Joke No. 120
Did you know that if you bred a rooster with an own, the progeny would be a cock that stays up all night!
Green Joke No. 121
Kano: Hello, is this times Technology Makati?
Operator: Come again sir?
Kano: Is this T. T. Co. Makati?
Operator: E di kamutin mo.
Green Joke No. 122
Pedro: Pare, hiniwalayan ko na syota kong malibog.
Juan: Bakit naman pare?
Pedro: Pano ba naman e ang gusto lang sken e itong 8 inches kong ari.
Juan: Ayaw mo non? E di sagana ka sa sex nyan.
Pedro: Tang ina kya kahet gano siya kaganda e di ko puputulin ang titi ko!
Green Joke No. 123
70 ways to make a woman happy:
Number 1 is shopping.
And the rest is 69.
Green Joke No. 124
A nun goes for a urine test and by mistake, the results got mixed up. The doctor told her that she was pregnant. She cried out loud in disgust!
Nun: Hey! We can't even trust an eggplant now!
Green Joke No. 125
A nurse looks at a man's tatoo. Nike in his arms, Reebox on his legs. She screams when she saw Aids in his penis.
Man: Relax, if it erects, it reads Adidas.
Green Joke No. 126
WOMAN: Can you please teach me how to golf?
PRO: Sure, please hold the club the way you hold your> husband's penis.
WOMAN: Okay.
PRO: Ma'am, please take the club out of your mouth.
Green Joke No. 127
OB-GYN is the best profession. Where else can you tell a beautiful woman to take off her clothers, touch her breast, insert your finger into her vagina, and let her husband pay you for what you did.
Green Joke No. 128
Lolo: Halika, apo, lapit ka dito.
Apo: Bakit po lo?
Lolo: Basta lumapit ka.
Apo: E bakit nga po?
Lolo: (inis) Buhatin mo nga ako at ipatong mo ako sa lola mo...
Green Joke No. 129
Women's prayer:
Mga anghel na nasa langit,
Pakibantay po ang aking mga singit
Nawa'y hindi po makadikit
Ang kanino mang it-it
Lalo na kung maliit
aHhh!...Men
Green Joke No. 130
Q: Ano sa English and MASUWERTE AKONG LALAKI?
A: Lucky Me With Egg!
Green Joke No. 131
Anak: itay, nag-aaway ba kayo ni inay kagabi? Bakit siya umuungol?
Itay: Wala, maligaya lang siya.
Green Joke No. 132
Q: Eh ano naman ang English ng MATRONANG BARAT?<
A: Payless instant mommy!