Green Joke No. 081
2 pokpok, nag-uusap:
Pokpok1: Tangina grabe ang buhay ngayon, imagine, nagpatira ako sa halagang P20.
Pokpok2: Ako nga nang blowjob, mainitan lang ang sikmura.
Green Joke No. 082
Wife whispers to attendant to buy condoms: 3 packs please.
Attendant: What size mam?
Wife: (closes her eyes and opens her mouth) This big ata e.
Green Joke No. 083
Ideal male of the millenium.
1. humble - laging nasa ilalim
2. mabait - hindi nambibitin
3. gentleman - hindi nauuna
4. neat - sa loob nagkakalat, hindi hinuhugot.
Green Joke No. 084
Man: 5 viagra.
Salelady: Dami nman sir.
Man: I have a date tonight.
The next day...
Man: 2 boteng betadine nga.
Saleslady: Napano yan sir?
Man: di dumating ang date ko e.
Green Joke No. 085
Americans have a hard time cheering for Manny Pacquiao. They cannot shout his name because it will sound: "Manny Fuck Yow!"
Kuto1: Do you read me, over.
Kuto2: Copy.
Kuto1: Location.
Kuto2: North of mam's pubic hair.
Kuto1: Yes. I see you. Andito lang ako sa bigote ni sir.
Green Joke No. 086
Ano ang hinahanap ng mga lalake sa babae?
Matambok na nakaraan, magandang hinaharap at masikip na kinabutasan.
Green Joke No. 087
Bading: Fafa, finger mo naman ako sa pwet.
BF: Ok. (inserts hand).
Bading: Deeper pa.
BF: Huh? (puts out hand, holding a Rolex Watch)
Bading: Happy Anniv. fafa.
Green Joke No. 088
Woman's prayer:
As you lay me down to mate,
I hope you don;t prematurely ejaculate.
But if you come before I do.
I pray your tongue will see me through.
Green Joke No. 089
Anak: Mommy, hayop pa ba ang talong?
Mommy: Di yun hayop anak, gulay yon. Bakit mo naman naitanong?
Anak: Sabi kasi ni yaya kay dad: "Hayop ang talong mo kuya, anlaki!"
Green Joke No. 090
Lady squatting down doing her laundry.
A boy came and said: "I saw you panty! It's black!"
Lady: (shocked and looked down) Tanginang mga langaw to o! Shoo!
Green Joke No. 091
Man: Kung makaligtas ako as operasyong ito, ikaw na ang bahala sa mga bata.
Wife: Tumigil ka nga dyan! Bat naman kase kung kela tatlo na ang anak naten e saka ka magpapatule!
Green Joke No. 092
Q: Sino ang unang gagong lalaki sa mundo?
A: E di si Adan. Mantakin mo may katabing hubad na babae ang kinain e apple, hindi nipple!
Green Joke No. 093
Judge: Why did you shoot your wife instead of her lover?
Accused: Your honor, im sure you will agree with me dat it's easier to shoot 1 woman than shooting 1 man every week.
Green Joke No. 094
Text shortcuts:
TB - Text Back
TT - Text Tayo
TTLAKI - Text Tayo Later Ako Intay
KKLIIT - Kuripot Ka Lagi Intay Ikaw Text
PUKIMO - Pag Uwi Ko I-text Moko Ok?
Green Joke No. 095
Wife: Darling, me nabili akong pang spra sa Vagina,ano gusto mong flavor para mamya, apple, strawberry o lemon?
Husband: Di bale na lang yan, sanay nko sa Durian!
Green Joke No. 096
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court. But custody of the children was a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
Green Joke No. 097
May isang jeep na hinoldap ng 5 armadong kalalakihan. May isang sakay na magandang babae na mayroong P500 sa kanyang bulsa. Para di makuha ang pera, sinimplihan niyang ilagay sa kanyang panty ang pera.
Nakalusot siya sa holduppers. Nung bumaba na siya, naisip niyang kumain sa isang Chinese restaurant para magpahinga at magpawala ng kaba. Kumain siya at kinuha niya ang P500 pangbayad. Maya-maya lumapit ang manager at sinabing: "Miss peke ata tong P500 nyo."
Babae: "Ha? Bakit? Ano ka hilo totoo yan!"
Manager: "Kasi po, dito litrato Ninoy, Ninoy nakadila!"
Green Joke No. 098
TO THE TUNE OF *EAT BULAGA*
pula ang ari,
hanggang dulo
halina at kan2tan tayo
isang libog,
isang tuwad
buong buraaaaaaaaaaat...
EEEEAT MO LAHAT!!!
Green Joke No. 099
Q: why did the elephant cross the road?
A: to get to the other side
Green Joke No. 100
Why are cows depressed when being milked?
Well, if every morning at dawn they wake you up,
rub your boobs for 2 hours and not fuck you afterwards, you'll get depressed too.